Nothing is fine.

I’m getting frustrated. I don’t know what to do anymore. I can’t be bothered to play the new animal crossing game. Because they took the fun out of it and made it more grueling, which is just not what the goddamn game was supposed to be. I have enough mindless bullshit tasks to perform in real life. Why should I have to do the same shit in a so-called “game” that’s supposed to help me unwind, or something? That defeats the purpose. =_=

But that’s not really what I came here to say. It’s just that instead of putting the time and effort into doing things that make somewhat of a difference, people are literally forcing me to play this shit game. I’m too stressed out in real life to have time to stress out about imaginary things. So my night was wasted, and I feel worse.

What I came here to talk about was how stupid the world is right now. I can’t cope. So Nebraska is trying to cure the virus by covering their ears and singing la-la-la and pretending there is no virus, which is not going to help. They’re refusing to test people. Straight up. If you have to come to the doctor for any reason, they will try to push you away by making you take a survey to screen you for symptoms. And the symptoms are so fucking vague that everyone has at least one of them. And if you have symptoms, you can’t come to the hospital. Stay away. Stay in your house. La la la.

So, if I’m dying of coronavirus, I’m dying alone at home. And if I’m dying from, I don’t know, tuberculosis? Then I’m dying at home alone. For no reason. They aren’t testing. They aren’t helping. They’re just forcing everyone to keep going to work and keep putting themselves in danger and keep spreading the goddamn disease. It’s disgusting.

And speaking of disgusting, you know what I’m fucking sick of? I’m sick of getting emails from everything everywhere begging me for every last penny I have to go to a “disaster relief fund” for “people like me.” Etsy. Spotify. Patreon. Everything. I have not made a cent from any of my work in the history of goddamn fucking ever. People are happy to use my work and enjoy my work and ask me to just give away my goods and services as a “favor.” So when the shit hits the fan, “ohhhhhhh my god, surely you have at least some couch change you can spare!? You poor pathetic artist? You wouldn’t want other poor, pathetic artists to suffer, would you?” Everything’s like DONATE DONATE DONATE and when I’ve scraped every last fucking dime out of my piggy bank and under the fridge, I’m thinking “huh. Where the fuck is my money going?” Because if it’s supposed to be going to “people like me,” then why am I not included in the group of “people like me?” Why am I going broke paying into disaster relief funds for everyone BUT myself????

Out of money? Well then you can just keep giving away your goods and services for free! Just keep “volunteering,” servant girl. Fuck this. My life has been a fucking shit show since I was born and every day I wake up wishing I hadn’t. I have suffered enough for an army. What has an army ever done for me, but traumatize me? And speaking of which!! I found some fun family photos to go over!

Here’s little me in 2013, before the whole shit show with juvie and Laura/Arsen. Aww.

Ugly, still. But not as ugly as the little ugly fuckhead who deserved every beating from every bully because of her hideous disfigured speckleface.

Look at this piece of shit. Let’s cut her heart out, the little cunt.

I’m sorry I’m ugly. Okay? I couldn’t help it. I didn’t ask to be born, motherfucker. But no, I didn’t suffer enough. So flash forward to 2014, *after* the whole bullshit fiasco, and look at this tired ass motherfucker standing tall and putting every ounce of energy into just smiling for one goddamn family picture.

Ugly bitch!!! Kill her!!!

But that’s not even the half of it. Let’s jump forward a year to Katrina and the evacuation and being ripped apart from everyone I loved who wasn’t genetically related to me.

My mom took this picture. I couldn’t even summon the strength to smile anymore.

So now I have resting bitch face. I can’t imagine why. And everyone assumes I’m a shitty person because I suck to be looked at. Story of my life. Stop fucking rubbing it in. You wanna see what that ugly asshole looks like now?

If it weren’t for my fucked up ugly-ass nose and my lazy-ass eye, you wouldn’t even really know it was the same person.

I’ve been through some shit. And I’ve been through some shit. And I’ve been through some more shit. And I take shit from everyone, always. And I put up with it. And I take it. And I obey. But the motherfucking moment that I stand up and say “FUCK THIS SHIT. I AM A HUMAN BEING!” Everyone’s like “Jesus, calm down, what the fuck is wrong with you? Stop overreacting.” Am I overreacting? I’ve been under reacting every moment of my life up til now! This is a delayed response. And it’s too much for you???

I work hard. All day. Every day. And I take bullshit from people about why my existence is meaningless. But the instant I try to do anything for myself, they treat me like I’m selfish. You want therapy??? Get over yourself. You wanna kill yourself?? That’s a felony. Which is it, man? If my existence is meaningless then why make it illegal for me to terminate it? It’s okay to kill fetuses that haven’t even had a chance to decide if they want to exist yet, but then you refuse to let them abort themselves once they grow into people and change their mind?

If you’re pro-choice, you can’t back down. You can’t half-ass this shit. My body, my choice. Right? Or… is that not how choice works?

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