Please be better.

I hope…

I really want this year to be better in as many conceivable ways as possible. But more than that, or… honestly, just as much, I want to be better. I want to do better. I want to be treated better and treat others better.

I want things to heal. I want new beginnings. I want to stop hurting and stop being hurt.

Please, just give me a second chance to be someone better, because I know I can do it. I’ve done it before, I just… I lost my way. So many horrible things happened to me in such a short amount of time. I needed help that no one was giving. I was trying to get myself help, but couldn’t. I did what I thought was the best I could under the circumstances, but it’s possible I was wrong. It’s probable that I was wrong. There was some other way, some other path that I was missing. And now…

To say that I’ve learned my lesson would be a massive understatement. I’ve learned many lessons this year, most of which I didn’t want to learn, and shouldn’t have had to learn in the ways that I did. I was treated worse than the lowest of lows in some regards. And maybe I didn’t deserve it all, but I surely deserved some. Right?

Anyway, I don’t want to turn this into some kind of lame New Year’s Resolution post. I just want to send my hopes and wishes out into the void, on the off-chance that some deity or human in control might answer them, preferably with something other than a “no.”

That’s all I’ve gotten my entire life, except when I said something I didn’t mean; That always got answered with a “yes.” Please… let this time be different. I give chances upon chances to everyone, even people I know will hurt me again. This time, please just let me be the one allowed a second chance. That’s all I ask, and after everything I’ve been through to bring me to this moment, I think, possibly, it’s the least I deserve.

🙏🏻