Plot Twist.

Unless you’ve actually been paying attention, in which case it should come as no surprise, but…

I just discovered that my suspicions were true: I actually was drugged. Why was I not made aware of this fact much sooner? Well, your guess is as good as mine, when it comes to that question, but what changed? Well, my long-time psych left (as I have become painfully used to by now) and was replaced with a different doctor.

I don’t know what made this doctor so much more able to simply look back through my records and find the report from the hospital when I was admitted, but it was literally that easy. And he told me that a tox screen was performed and came up positive for three different substances. Only one of these did I have access to, which is my migraine pill, but as far as I can remember, I didn’t take any. And if I didn’t have the presence of mind to take the Lamictal, I doubt I would have had the cognitive awareness to take that, but I don’t know.

If someone drugged me, I wouldn’t put it past them to use something I was already taking in their little craycray cocktail.

What really irritates me about this discovery that I’ve waited so long for is just that. I have waited so long to find this out, so long, in fact, that it’s now less than a week from the court date where I’m set to lose my child. This means that I don’t have the time to get a copy of my medical records.

The doctor made it sound like it was as easy as just calling them and having a copy emailed to me. But when I called, I got transferred to an automated message telling me I’d have to download a document, fill that out, and fax it to them. I don’t have access to a fax machine, so I don’t know how I can hope to do this. Their website also says that it’ll take about a week to actually get the copy of those records once they receive my request.

So now I finally have information to prove that I was actually drugged by someone, and it probably won’t hold up in court because I don’t have a copy of the tox screen to show them. Why did it take so long to have someone give me this vital piece of information?

On a lighter note, being that I was seeing this doctor for the first time, he also did an intake assessment and said that he didn’t really think that I suffer from bipolar disorder. Just plain old anxiety and PTSD. So the caseworker who’s been using bipolar as a way to mess with me and keep me from getting my child back can eat it.

The new doctor recommended EMDR therapy, and I really hope I can get in, because I really want to try it. I’ve heard only great things, and it doesn’t have all the risks and side effects that ECT has.

I may not be able to get my daughter back, but there is hope that I might be able to get EMDR therapy. And maybe that’ll make it less painful to lose her. Or… at least help me heal more quickly.

But in all honesty, I really shouldn’t have to lose her in the first place. Because what happened was literally not my fault.